when you talk dirty to me c:
by CrackonKappacumbers
Summary: a shizuo and the potatoe au, CRACK pwp kinda story with adventure, sort of, it began when shizuo broke his foot. Mainly about Shizuo and Izaya being the weirdest people in ikebukuro, Izaya wanting shizuo to be his bitch, potatoe disagrees, stuff happens. Izuo then threesome with Kadota cat. uke CRACK shizuo. dimension travelling and smut? reviews r luv-kappalord c:


**Boot my fucking foot :c**

Shizuo Heiwajima.

One day.

Broke his foot. :c

"I'm so depressed gawd everything sucks and u know it" Shizuo complained about everything that stood in his way.

"Wow my boot broke my foot stupid boot I will start kicking you oh wait my boot is my foot part."

"So I cannot kill but I will kick hehehe and brake my foot twice in a row to break my boot foot."

Shizuo went to go kick things like 'gogogogo' and then jumped like a kangaroo with his mommy pouch.

But then the evil man of googie had to come again.

Yup that's right, Izaya Orihara.

"Omg it's you, evil Izaya-kun im trying to break my boot foot yo."

"What no you will not because I will break your head hair"

"No bitch get the fuck out of my hair you don't touch it ok."

"No, I am god so I touch it mohahahaha"

Shizuo went to slap Izaya but then he seduced him to a chest

"Ooh god Izaya oh god Izaya-!"

"Yes my bad boi you will be my bitch forever hehe"

But someone had to stop it from happening so potatoe came from the sky and did his super thing attack.

"HOOOOWPPPP"

They fell onto their butts and started to cry.

"Whoa whoa whoops heh heh heh I should go now but no"

"Get out you Izaya man you will die you faggot"

Izaya stabbed potatoe.

"No potatoe.. I cant let you be my owner bitch so because you did this to my son"

"Oh don't say that you were having my son with me yeah"

"No way dude you will die"

Shizuo threw his broken stop signs of broken knifes that flew out of the magic.

It hurt Izaya in the hair and chest it hurt so much.

Shizuo got potatoe back.

"No potatoe don't die you."

"Mother fucka I cant die I'm too magic"

"Oh yeah I forgot"

Izaya standed up from his ground.

"Hehehe I WILL be back." Izaya said cooly while putting on sunglasses to be like the terminator.

Izaya ran away with his stick of jam.

Shizuo chased him but a Jim came from nowhere and who came in his way.

"No Jim no you have to leave Jim."

"No I am Jim you cannot tell me what to do hahaha"

The Jim then barfed his sun glasses of coconut.

Izaya ran back and bit him in the jam.

"Ooooo nooo Izaya you did it now."

Then the clouds of thundering storm power had to kill the land of the Jim because he was there.

Jim then disappeared into a cloud and started to rain some jam.

Potatoe standed up and used the monkey king power.

He roared like.

"RIUGHHHH"

He standed up and went into his mouth to get to his seducing point and killed him from inside.

Jim was no more.

"Yay we did it now we will go home"

"No not yet Shizu chan you still have to be my bitch, bitch."

"Never."

Again something happened.

The street became the ground and everyone was being eaten by the road.

"Ahahaha u be eaten come in my mouth and die."

"Nooo."

They all fell into the hole of doom mouth road thing.

So they were in this special sexy dimension of Shizuo and Izaya for no reason.

And they saw the yaoi and shits

"Oh god my eyes are bleeding"

Potatoe had to cover his eyes not to look at what he can become to Izaya while on his D.

"Oh yes yes this is perfect dimension"

But then kadota fell in too and stared at it.

"Dude no I will have to stop this"

So kadota used his opening strong hand cat hands to open the portal to blocky land

"No I wanted to see it nooo"

They teleported to blocky land and saw an old man blocky thing.

And they died because

wait no they didn't die because some of the blockys were nice and stuff

"Oh yay we are here in the blocky land :3"

Shizuo sat in his ear the old man creepy block.

"Ew no Shizuo something is going to happen"

Izaya went to go cut the bird and fish block. "Hahaha die you jam." What was wrong with him, we will never know.

Until then, Walker came too.

"No not the Walker"

"Oh wait don't worry he is actually just walking of course."

But he didn't. He did much more than walking.

Know that again Walker walked around them using the old man spell.

They turned super old and the old man block had an ear of oldness and started to suck Shizuo into the ear.

"The hell-" Half of Shizuo's body was sucked into the ear.

"Oh no Shizuo" Potatoe panicked and grabbed him on the D by accident that aroused him. Potatoe's size was useless for the power.

"No fuck no"

Izaya was jealous so he tried to forcefully rip potatoe off of Shizuo.

Kadota had to stop Walker but he walked on the rainbow road.

"God damn it Walker now I have to show my true identity"

He transformed magically like his hair flowed cool and his chest was like his shirt ripped and the sexy pose came and Kadota was like so cool and sexy hot.

He used the taco cat form but sexy disappeared because that was his other form that he cannot use because it would blind people of beauty.

He used the magic of some Walker dust and his taco cat beam and destroyed the universe.

Luckily Shizuo didn't get cut in half and was saved from the ear of darkness

"Come on guys we have to get out of this old mans ear before we die" Kadota sound so cool-o.

They got out by going onto Kadota cat and they washed away flying while the universe destroyed.

**BOOOOMMM!**

They got out, but all of a sudden they appeared to the weird dimension of potatoe the doom lord.

"Hehehe I am potatoe the doom lord"

"Oh no potatoe it is your evil twin from dimension potatoe"

"No my brother don't use your magic on us please you will smash it on us"

"Ok fine but do not eat my potatoe friends" Doom potatoe announced.

While he said that Izaya was eating one of his potatoes.

"Oh hi~" Izaya smiled evilly while chomping on a half eaten potatoe. It twitched.

"NO MY FRIENDS YOU WILL DIE HUEHEUHE" Doom potatoe went cray cray.

"What the fuck Izaya now we're gonna die"

"Not my fault I hated you anyways" Izaya huffed, shrugging to the fact that he ate a potatoe.

He used the doom ray of potatoes and his actually his potatoe friends formed a giant potatoe form together.

Potatoe had to sacrifice his power to kill it and him.

"No potatoe don't do it you cannot die on me like that"

"No Shizuo I must save my baby boi" Shizuo bend down and potatoe touched his face, saying his deep goodbye to his friend.

"I'll be back baby." Potatoe licked his nose.

Potatoe sacrificed the energy and he exploded and so did the potatoes.

"NUUHEEEWEEEE"

"Come mon we gotta get out"

They got onto Kadota again and Kadota used his sexy form to gain back to the original form.

"Yay we're back luckily I didn't have to stay in that potatoe land"

"Noo my potatoe" :c Shizuo sniffled. "He is gone, forever, wah."

"So you can be my bitch now" c:

"Fien I will suck your dick and then I will get laid to help me forget. Just give me the cucumber soon." Shizuo went behind Izaya's ear and lick the outer shell before he went down.

"K~ Good now go deep son"

Shizuo went down to the cucumber till he reached the onions.

While he magically sucked it with the pants on,

Izaya made the kiss on Shizuo's hair.

"Oh god not the hair" Shizuo was sensitive there.

"Yes~" Izaya liked teasing him.

He now was sucking his ear lobe to licking the eyelids, the cheeks, his mouth and down to his jaw lines and neck. Biting down and sucking the skin.

"Oh god Izaya" Shizuo couldn't stop but moan. "..Fuck me." He whispered.

Things got heated very quickly. They stripped, bit, bruised and sucked.

Till the cucumber went in and Shizuo went to see stars with loud moans that filled Izaya's hunger for lust up. "A-Aaah..!..!" Moving moments. c:

"Mmm, so.. tight Shi..-zu-..chan~ ha." Thrust. c:

Izaya when you 'talk dirty to me' saxophones jazz in the rhythm of thrusts in the background. Woo.

Kadota was a bit bored so, he made it a three-some now. Strip. Licked. Threesome. Double thrust. c:

He used the sexy form of power and the blasting chest of sexiness.

"Aha" Kadota went go bite Izaya's nose and rubbed Shizuo's D on his chest.

They did it hard like a rock.

"HARDer UUURFGGHHHH"

"Well that's a hot noise." Izaya complimented

and so they did it over and over c:

Completely bottom in the end was shizuo while his D was sucked and his chest was being nipped.

Panting and moaning. "Ouurrrrghore, Moree."

Izaya and Kadota also shared a few wet kisses with tongue too while they double fucked Shizuo.

The rock phrase was so hard and then, kadota accidentally used the rock like a hard rock D.

It blasted into the ground road and also destroyed the road thing again.

It transformed into a monkey potatoe.

"Oh yay its potatoe I found you." Shizuo peeked from the both men who had him in a sandwich.

"No you did not, I used my magic to become a magic monkey" C:

"Oh ok now your tail will be my D foreva hehe" Potatoe and his creepy kinks.

Izaya thrusted into Shizuo.

"Nu not now, he's my bitch. And we're kinda having a moment right-" Thrust."now." Izaya was annoyed that Potatoe came back from the dead.

"Bitch no" Potatoe was horny because he saw Shizuo's legs all exposed to him in this view.

Potatoe used his monkey tail and made it a FOURSOME?

Shizuo sucked on the tail while Izaya thrusted from the front and Kadota in the back.

They eventually all came filling Shizuo to the heavens.

So they all had a sexy foursome and lived happy as the best three/four?some in Ikebukuro.

Then Izaya snipped the tail off of Potatoe so he had no D replacement for Shizuo or to later have Goku powers of yellow hairness.

Potatoe cried.

**The end c:**

**-kappalord**


End file.
